Things I Want People to Know About Birth Mothers

Well I guess this post is really about things I want people to know about our daughter's Birth Mother (but I'm sure it applies to more than just her). Since adopting our first over 3 years ago we've had many comments and questions regarding her Birth Mother. Many assume very negative things about her. So here is what is true about her.

She loves her children very, VERY much. The true, deep, agape love that puts the life and well-being of her children far above her own. I don't think I have ever seen such love and such pain in one person's face, as I see in hers.

She cherishes every moment she gets to be with them however short that time is.

She saves every picture and memorizes every letter she is sent from her children's adoptive parents (which she tells me is not many except from us) and keeps baby books on all of them.

She chose life when so many in her place would not have. And by doing so she has given us (and several other families) the most precious and amazing gift, she made us a family.

She is strong, stronger than anyone else I know. Stubborn too, something we are finding out is very much a trait she passed on to our daughter!

She has had a very hard life, yes one that is in some ways a consequence of her own bad decisions but much has been outside her control as well. Yes we pay her living expenses while she is pregnant. NO SHE DOES NOT GET PREGNANT ON PURPOSE FOR THE MONEY!!! If you could see the great pain in her eyes because she knows she has to give them up, you would never assume such a thing. I'm sure it's nice for her to have a few short months when she is not having to worry about how the keep food on the table or the lights on or a roof over her head. But that does very little to outweigh both the emotional and physical pain that these pregnancies cause her.

She would never choose to become pregnant. She is just very, VERY fertile. She gets pregnant even on birth control! And not to go into too much detail but surgical options were not good alternatives for her either. But what I'm sure she at times sees as a curse has been the most amazing blessing to so many, to me! I'm now a mom! I get to celebrate Mother's Day as a MOM! I get to hear "I love you, Mommy!". All. The. Time. I get to love and be loved by the most amazing little girl ever (soon to be 2 little girls!) And so for that I could never thank or praise her enough.

I know it's easy to think badly of birth moms. I know because I did once too. I'm ashamed to admit it now but it's true. I didn't know what I would think or feel when I met her for the first time. But now after knowing her for over 3 years God has taught me so much through her. So I hope you will read this and see her the way we see her. And maybe think a little differently about our daughter's Birth Mom (and maybe birth moms in general). :)